Category Archive

I would like to coin April first, officially, the Onion Day.  Since the Onion is dedicated to our news enjoyment and most people could never write to their unique standard, we should let the best be the best and celebrate their crafty pen.  There isn’t a better news source and there isn’t a better day to dedicate to them.  All rejoice and cheer for the Onion and their new special day.

A day or two ago I wrote about and incident my wife had at the mall in RainForest Cafe. I had emailed Landry’s Restaurants, owners of RainForest cafe, and actually received a quick response back (today).  I have emailed my phone number back to them, lets see how this progresses.

Emailed received:

My wife took our sons to the mall today to get them out of the house on spring break, they are 2 and 5. As often when visiting the mall, a visit is made to Rainforest Cafe were the kids like to look at the over priced nick-knacks and motorized alligator. Being spring break, it’s very busy in the mall today.

Anyone who has or watches kids knows how incredibly quick they can be at time. I mean Einstein said nothing can reach the speed of light, did he study children?

So my wife turns to locate the five year-old, turns back and the two year old is gone. I mean out of site and she is super worried. First thought for her is always somebody snatched him. Hey she’s a mom, I have thought it before too.

She approaches the associate, (host I assume) standing at a podium greeting new customers, informing her that her son is missing in their store. The associate says something in her little microphone/headset thingy and tells my wife that the store will keep a lookout for him. Of course at this point my wife tells them what my son looks like and what he is wearing. I am not sure if this information was translated through the headset. After the associates brief interaction with my wife she quickly returns to her conversation with a delivery-type person.

So now my wife is really starting to panic. My older son is running around in side the restaurant trying to find his brother while my wife stands outside scanning the mall and the entrance to the place.

My wife locates my son who is currently running right across the path of the associate at the podium who was on “lookout.” As I am sure you can guess, the associate notices nothing. Which pisses my wife off even more. Thankfully my son was located and unaffected by the experience. As you can guess, he was running around having fun.

I really don’t understand why the procedures at Rainforest Cafe suck so bad when there is a lost child in their restaurant. Take Toys R Us for instance, a few years back my eldest son ran off and we couldn’t locate him. We proceeded to tell an associate that our son was lost in the store and the associate announced this in his walkie-talky thin. Immediately the store was locked down! I kid you not, all the associates sprang into action, covering the doors and sweeping the store looking for him. I was really impressed.

With the severity and constant fear of assholes snatching kids I am really surprised when places of business handle such sensitive situation so poorly.

I contacted Landry’s Restaurants, Inc., operators of Rainforest Cafe, let see if they have any response to the very poor handling of a very sensitive situation.

I have resigned from my nine year old job.  Not a simple task I must say.  Yes I have a new job lined up, I’m not an idiot.  This is going to be a very interesting day for sure.

One more day and the seas will calm, the sky will open up into a beautiful blue.  Just one more day…

A cute story from my wife.

My wife was driving my son home from school and asked how his day was.

“It was fine.”, my son replied.

“Anything new happen at school today?”, my wife asked.

“No not really.”, “Well we are changing our seats tomorrow.”, my son replied

“Oh really, who do you get to sit next to?”

“Just Raeann.”

“Just Raeann, eh?”, my wife said devilishly.

Now this is the painful part for me, I used hate it when my mother would do this stuff. I would be so embarrassed even if we where the only ones there.  So here she goes…

My wife pseudo sings, “Brett and Raeann sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.  First comes love, then comes marriage…”

My son breaks in here and asks, “What is k-i-s-s….?”

“Kissing.”, answers my wife.

She continues, “Brett and Raeann sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.  First comes love, then come marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage.”

And to that my five year-old son’s response was, “You know, I really can’t climb a tree.”

Welcome to 2008.  It pretty much feels like 2007 doesn’t it?  Well I have a bug up my ass and I want it gone (it’s itchy you know?).  My bug, you ask, the purging of all the crap I have been collecting, “Just in Case”, since the early nineties.  Yes, early nineties, what a waist of space.

I know it has bothered my for some time–having to look through multiple boxes to find stuff, tripping over other household members crap to get somewhere.  Well I am done with it and I have Steve to thank for it. No, I don’t know Steve, but for some odd reason his blog has interested me over the last couple of years.  He wrote toward the end of the year that he is purging his house.  My initial thought was, that interesting.  Then I started to read what he has been doing, throwing away all them old drives and cell phones and other ‘stuff’ we all seem to gather over time.

I still wasn’t sold, how am I going to go through all this ‘stuff’ of mine when I am away from the house thirteen plus hours a day, and spending time with the family on the weekends.
“Anyway, I may need that some day.”
There was this other link in Steve’s  article, a link to Paul Graham’s site, an essay titled, of all things, Stuff.  A very interesting explanation of this all this ‘stuff’ we have packed into our homes, and the pseudo value we place on it.  And most importantly how our ‘stuff’ starts to run and dictate our lives.  It was enough for me, time to purge!

I have started this weekend, starting with my desk and the two thousand receipts which clutter a corner of it because I may need to reference them some day.   You know I never do, I let them gather up until I can’t take it anymore and throw them in the trash or use them as starter fuel in my fire pit (a wonderful gathering place).  Well it’s a start, next off to some boxes sitting on my desk and close by.  Boxes of old computer ‘stuff’, documents, check stubs (I have been on direct deposit for ten years, I don’t care what my check said in 1998, really.  I can’t remember the last time I actually went back to reference one of the twenty million check stubs I have stashed away.  These will be purged too, they just need to be destroyed as the older ones contain a social security number, etc.) and who knows what else.  Out of all the boxes I went through, I think I kept 1% of the stuff within.  Mostly manuals to appliances and gadgets.  When I go though this ‘stuff’ again, I am sure I will throw them away too, I am sure they are available online.

It’s a slow start, but a start nonetheless, plus I have gathered a full garbage bad of ‘stuff’ already.  I am already thinking about all the different ‘stuff’ to purge from my house.  My mind’s eye running amuck identifying ‘stuff’ crap, I don’t need and haven’t used in years.  Even though my main reason for keeping it is, “just in case I may need it”, and my other favorite, “Man this was expense when it was new”.  Of course, it’s worth nothing now, I would be lucky to get a dime on Ebay (no, I am not an Ebay fan by the way).

Here’s to a cleaner, uncluttered, nobody-wants-that-suff-anyway, 2008 <clank>!

I can’t wait, this is going to be great. This Thursday, Friday and Saturday I will be taking care of my kids, solo, while my wife is out of town. Being the IT Slug that I am and commuting 3+ hours a day I don’t get a lot of time with my kids during the week. Now I have my chance. I am taking the next two days off from work and spending it at home. ahhhh.

It would be great if we could go somewhere, like Downtown Chicago or something, but my eldest has school and other after-school activities, so that is out. Weather report looks positive, I get out of work for a few days and my kids get to see how nuts their father is.  Oh, in case you are wondering my sons are 5 years and 19 months. What a great age.